spare me.

I need to tell you what I've learned about bowling...and I mean real bowling. Not the cheesy laser & black lights, go with a few cocktails in you & drink four pitchers of beer while you're there kind of bowling, either. Which is, well, the only kind of bowling I know.

No sir, I'm talking real competitive bowling.

Collin is a bowler. And he's good, like, really good. I somewhat knew that because I've seen him in action and frankly the little punk is pretty much really good at every sport he plays.

So, I've known that he likes to bowl, he bowls often and is in a league on Monday nights. But I admit that I must totally zone out when he's attempted to explain to me just what kind of bowler he is. I do remember something about him getting his name on a "Leader's Board" at the local bowling joint and I hear stories about his team holding on to the first place spot for 6-odd weeks or something. But it's bowling for goodness sakes, and well who does that seriously besides those nerds they show on ESPN?

Welllll.... that's what I thought until this weekend. When he participated in two invitational bowling tournaments.

I have cracked up at myself realizing this new found appreciation in my life, compliments of the boyfriend. Now our long distance relationship is made up of a great balance of spontaneity and commonality with a good set of eclectic interests, but this was nothing short of hilarious. Throughout the weekend I found myself with sweaty palms and nerves galore during the tournaments. It was the exact feeling my mom always described when watching one of her kids play sports.

I have never internally cursed so many bowling pins in my life or tried to will a lonely spare to fall after six frames of solid strikes. Honestly, after the tourney on Saturday I feared that by Sunday I would surely leave with a button on my shirt with Collin's face on it and a bumper sticker that reads "my boyfriend bowls better than your boyfriend".

But the people watching and observations of this crazy bowling culture are certainly noteworthy...so here it goes:

What I've learned spending many hours in a Bowling Alley in Nowhere, Arizona

• the color of the ball really doesn't affect how you bowl. {whatever, I'll choose a pretty pink or swirly neon green ball any day.}
• the chicken fingers are just the right kinda greasy and the beer is so cold it burns when it goes down. {major PLUS!}.
• people actually bowl for fun at 9am on the weekends and its not alcohol induced
• ...and the concession stand makes pancakes, bacon & eggs. {seriously!}
• I'll never truly understand the scoring system...but I do have some concept that my dude is most happy when he bowls over his handicap which is 214.
• the bowling shoes we regular folk have to wear are super cool vintage throwbacks compared to the glorified "Easy Spirits" these avid bowlers wear.

• speaking of shoes, they actually wear these hospital-esque shoe covers so the soles of their shoes don't ruin when they go outside to smoke their Marlboro Reds....and well the graphic selections are nothing short of fantastic.

*note: collin does not have these and if he ever does I will either burn them or make fun of him for the rest of his life.

• the handshakes really mean something and are offered after every turn, no matter how you bowled. They are custom handshakes that really seem like they have practiced them for months {it's kinda gang-like, and I am totally from the other side of the tracks}
• the celebration fist pumps and hip gyrations never get old. I was entertained for hours over every one of them.
• the ladies that bowl are so stereotypical {kinda like what you envision when you think of a lady BINGO player}: loud, diet coke lovin', menthol smoking, blond hair frosting, elastic shorts & homemade visor wearing, lucky trinket carrying, bag ladies!
• the attire is atrocious, but thankfully C goes against the grain and hasn't fallen for the dreadful polyester bowling shirts -- but is certain to rock his camouflage Bama cap
• and finally, I would give anything to be there this Saturday {for people watching purposes, obviously} for the "Valentine's Day Lovers Lane Special" -- where you and your significant other get 4 "couple" games, 2 shoe rentals, 2 pitchers of beer, 14 hot wings and a heart shaped pizza -- all for $24.99. What a Deal!

Now, this doesn't mean I'll be joining the local AMF league or shining my new ball, but you better believe next time I go I will be bearing a camera to capture these magical images ;)