birdy.

I am writing about a situation that has embraced me, rattled me,
made me cry and made me think. 
I'm writing because I need to 
watch it flow 
from my mind, from my heart and into my own words...in real time.  
And I'm writing it selfishly; 
because in times that are only one personal pity party away, I need to reflect on these feelings, the sense of gratitude, humility 
and of what really matters most 
that I experienced today.

I'll spare some details not because of time, laziness or lack of words...
but to protect a delicate situation, a heartbreakingly amazing situation
and real people...strangers, a family I'll never forget.

I sold a painting.
The first one ever.
I sold it from our brand new etsy shop {details + launch coming soon!}
And I sold it within ten hours of it being posted on our storefront.
Lindsay messaged me to share the exciting news,
at 11:26 am
We screamed and giggled, this was real. Finally real.
We clinked our wine glasses, "cheers'd" our new venture and each other
and we dreamed a little more on the front porch last night.
We collaborated and wrote a sweet and sincere thank you email 
back to the buyer.
Then we wrapped our little inaugural jewel in our trademark packaging
and tucked the painting away without looking at it twice.
Shipping next day, making it's way to a town 
648 miles away.

We hoped for nothing more than a positive feedback
and inspiration to keep
creating.
At 11:18 am this morning Lindsay messaged me again and said:
"omg, go look at 'B's response. you're not ready for it"
and she was right, boy was she right:

Dear Laurel -

I look forward to receiving the bird painting and I have the perfect spot for it. The truth be told, I don't like birds AT ALL. I just finished a big remodel on our home and have been drawn to birds. Everyone knows my phobia and has questioned my decorating, which isn't to say that I haven't as well. My husband and our 11 year old son were killed in Feb --. To say the year has been difficult is to put it mildly. It has been one baby step forward and two gigantic steps backwards. There are many days that are dark and full of despair, but I have three small children who still need their Mommy when all else has been taken. C always joked about my dislike for birds and I'm sure that's where my style motiff is coming from. He's leading me.

We'll enjoy the painting. Please know that it's being hung with great love and honor for our two beloved, C and J. 

it's a small painting. only 8 x 10. 
and simple really, just a little birdy.
after another email exchange and learning more about 
this heartbreaking story
I find myself perplexed, amazed and grateful.

Through tears, confusion and wonder,
I've repeatedly asked myself, lindsay, my mom and collin:
"why my birdy?"
...."why MY birdy?"

a search on etsy for "bird" yields 
120,017 products
...for "bird painting"
10,889 options

so really....
"why my birdy?"

I don't know. 
but I'm trying to draw positive energy from it.
I'm listening a little closer to my 
heart, my gut
and the little whispers in the wind.
I'll dream about that "perfect spot" she mentioned 
and hope that this small token I've been able to provide,
brings purpose and a new element of healing to her and those children.

I'm sure these type of stories are not few and far between
and fairly common as art and creativity often
strike a chord, emotion or memory
otherwise thought to be unreachable.

...but from here on out,
with every stroke of my paintbrush
I'll try to stop wondering why?,
I'll trust this leap of faith
and let it lead me.