tweet: truce & truth

Dear Backporch Bird Dweller,

I am writing you to discuss the events that took place at approximately 10:53 am CST at our residence on Beechwood Avenue {not sure what our address is in birdy language, "1st flood light to the left of the 3 long leaf pines"?}.

Anyway...

While I am not completely ready to apologize for the actions that took place today, I do hope that you, too, have some regret for the way you treated me. I know you are suffering a great loss, but perhaps it will help you deal with the matter if you understand my side of the story.

As I was innocently doing my household chores today, taking out my recycling and trash, I felt as though when you swooped down and took out my ponytail and rammed into the back of my neck, that not only were you invading my personal space, but you made this once "#1 Big Bird Fan" scream like a banshee, break out in chills, do a dance/stomp/jig mimicking a Native American Pow Wow and almost mess my britches.

Quick Side Note: I do hope you recall that this has not been our only run-in/altercation. Only one week ago you decided to fly into our house and poop on several of our walls after you were frightened by my curdling screams of "bird in the house, bird in the house, bird in the house". But I called a truce, you tweeted "mercy", flew back to your twiggy abode and I thought we were all good.

So, my only reaction was to do what my palpating heart and my bird-phobic momma would do: knock down your stupid, stinky, hairy home.
So I did.
And I cursed you the entire way {in human & tweet talk}.

I'll spare the details that followed involving your three baby birdies that we both witnessed. It is too emotional and grotesque for me to put into words and I don't want to reignite and engrave that vision in your pea sized brain forever. Let's just say, I do kind of regret that there will not be three little birdies learning to fly this spring. Enough Said.

So dear backyard bird dweller, I hope you will accept my side of the story. I do ask that you mourn in private and do not spread false assumptions to your fellow furry creatures that I am nothing more than a crazy lady with a broom, silly dance and a piercing scream. And if it's any consolation, do know that I have been reamed and ripped apart by both Pallie & Collin about my interference with Mother Nature and that I will undoubtedly pay for this, I will.

Although I certainly welcome understand your choice to move to the next yard, street or neighborhood over, I hope that you and the Mrs. are able to move on literally peacefully.

Fondly,
Laurel