sweet sunshine

I had a normal weekday meeting with one of my clients at 7 am this morning at a local coffee shop, Portland Brew East. It wasn't easy getting out of the bed. I opted out of a shower, put on a newsboy cap and was on my way. I never really woke up, only my dreams shifted to thoughts of a bran muffin and 16 oz coffee (with room for skim milk and honey).

I walked onto my front porch...clear blue skies, a crisp wind and then the sunshine graced my face...I grinned on the inside...I knew it would be a good day.

You see, last January, work was my life. But I hated the work I was doing and was frustrated with my work environment. Combine that with some significant kidney issues, strep throat and a stubborn cold that wouldn't go away (damn these Tennessee winters).

Needless to say I spent a lot of time at my general practioner's office -- several days a week for about 3 weeks. After the 2nd week Dr. H sat me down and started asking me several questions about my "state of being".

After a little digging and an impromptu counseling session he says, "Laurel, I feel like I know you fairly well and I've noticed this resistance and anger in your behavior, I really think you are dealing with seasonal depression, aka 'winter blues'. However, there are plenty of ways to help this imbalance; this med, that med, vitamin d, low serotonin, heat lamp, blah blah blah"

By this point I had tuned him out and become furious; how could he think that I was crazy or depressed?!?! So that's exactly how I retaliated, "I'm not crazy...maybe I am a little frustrated with my job and maybe I hate the f'in cloudy cold days, and I'm f'in tired of the gd rain" (practically verbatim minus the abbreviations)

Dr. H put a hand on my shoulder, shook his head and chuckled, "Oh Laurel, I appreciate you and I really do understand you are frustrated." He then pulled out his prescription pad. I nearly lost it...hell no I wasn't taking any crazy meds or anti-depressants...just as I was about to let er' rip, I noticed what he was writing -- it went something like this:

"Too chilly for the beach...Tanning Bed - 2 times a week for at least two months"
After that he reached into his wallet and handed me $50 cash to pay for these visits.

Not only am I grateful that there is still a doctor out there who cares about his patients and doesn't push prescription drugs to feed drug company empires or to make his pocket bigger...but I am especially grateful that he forced to me acknowlegde this (very common) chemical imbalance that I'll more than likely deal with my entire life. The tanning bed helped and spring was just around the corner, afterall.

This year is different...my winter "blues" have gone from midnight to cornflower, if you will (revert back to your old crayola crayon box for reference). I have rid myself of all things toxic in my life. I love my work. I love doing work that matters. I love the freedom I have with owning my business. This newfound clarity and stability helped me to finally be truly in touch with my body and my soul; so much that even a stinkin' cloudy, rainy, frigidly cold day won't bring me down.

So while this winter wasn't near as hard as last....I'm still amazed at how a little sunshine even on a chilly morning warms my crazy head and my spirit.

i hope you're walking on sunshine today too....